If It Kills Me
by sheteego
Summary: Something unexpected develops between Abigail and EJ. Not Wilson centered but they will make appearances.


**Note: I've been wanting to write about Abby for the longest (just because I always kinda dismissed her character and thought they could do a lot more with her). This is not Wilson centered but they will make appearances. **

**Please tell me what you think. should i keep going or keep it a oneshot?**

**Fic title comes from a song by Jason Mraz **

* * *

**1**

Why is she making this complicated? It is a simply yes or no. a better person would not have this challenge. A better person would not be stringing themselves and others along. She walks through the town square as these thoughts replay in her mind. It's starting to get chilly in Salem so she wraps the heavy cardigan tighter around her shoulders.

Abigail loves fall in this small town. The leaves change colour, going from drab green to fiery reds and oranges. It creates a new feel and vibrancy that seeps into her bones and makes her want to get on with her life. To soak up the fire and not care about who or what gets burnt. Sometimes she is too much like her mom; Jennifer couldn't burn someone without running for the water to cool them off.

She moves through the town, not really sure of where she is going but knowing that she needs to get somewhere. Somewhere to think about her next move. To figure out if something is right or wrong. To decide what she can live with and what she can't live without. When did life get so complicated? When did the black mix with the white to make everything murky? Times like this make her miss the simplicity of high school when a boy was just a boy and you did not think about relationships beyond graduation.

Abigail fails to take note of the scenery until she is at the entrance to the park and she knows the wrought iron bench is just beyond it. Even the vines on the gate seem to be welcoming fall and she sniffs the air for that familiar fall smell. She loved playing in the leaves as a child. Her dad would swing her around until she was practically dizzy them launch her into the pile of leaves he had raked that very morning. You could hear the squeal and laughter across the neighbourhood. Fall was his favorite time too, well Fall and Christmas. If he was here he would say 'follow your heart baby girl'; but its' her heart that's causing the problem. A heavy sigh leaves her lips as her problem continues to demonstrate its weight.

"That doesn't sound too good." Her body reacts with total panic when the words land. She pivots to the direction of the sound and feels her body relax a lit when her eyes rest on a familiar face.

She didn't expect to see anyone in the park on a Monday night. With her hand and her chest she tries to calm her breathing. "You scared me."

"My sincere apology. I did not intend to startle you." Abigail nods her head as she works at returning her heart beat to normal. He gets up from the bench and stretches out his hand towards it, offering her the vacant seat. She looks at him skeptically but takes it. "Again, I'm truly sorry."

"No." She shakes her head. "It's not your fault. I was so caught up in my head I didn't realize someone was here." From her place on the bench she looks up at him and really sees him for the first time.

"I can understand that." EJ Dimera, the proverbial heir to the Dimera thrown and Salem's all around not so nice guy, looks concerned and Abigail deduced it had nothing to do with startling her. This was all over him; seeping through the very expensive suit that covered his body.

"I bet." She takes her eyes off him and relaxes against the bench. EJ's warmth lingers on the iron and it makes him feel really close, almost like he is touching her.

Abigail watches as he kicks at a pebble on the ground, dark eyes following the movement as it rolls across the ground and disappears into a nearby bush. Why is he still here? Why was he here in the first place? She was curious but never one to pry, at least not into the secrets of a Dimera.

"Care to discuss that earlier sigh?" The question came out of nowhere and surprises Abigail. Apparently he had no reservations about snooping into her life. Their eyes meet but she doesn't give an answer. "Let me guess. It had something to do with my younger brother." It wasn't a question and she didn't need to say yes for him to hear the answer. "What did he do now?"

Another sigh finds its way out of her and he chuckles which makes her smile. "He didn't do anything. He is great actually. I just…" How do you explain something you can't even understand yourself? Abigail tightens the cardigan around her body, it came loose during her moment of heart failure.

"You just what?" He is looking at her intently, marveling at how innocent and fragile she looks sitting there on the bench.

"How do you know if someone is right for you?" There is that chuckle again but he isn't laughing at her. No, the joke is on him.

"It's just…Chad is a Dimera. No offence."

"None taken." His hands settle into his pocket.

"And I don't hold that against him. I think he wants to stay away from the madness, again no offense." She looks directly at him.

"Again none taken." He smiles and it encourages her to continue.

"I just…I want it to be easier than this. When will it be easy?" Her head feels lighter when the words are freed. Abigail bites at her bottom lip as she looks at him, trying to gage his reaction and waiting for him to say something.

Then it hits her. Why is she sitting in the park at night talking to EJ Dimera about her love life? EJ Dimera and a dark, lonely park is not a good combination. He is probably up to something and she is interfering with his plans. "I should go. Sorry for…"

His arm reaches out to stop her from leaving the bench. "Abigail." Her name sounds different coming from him. "I know nothing about easy relationships. But…" he removes the hand from her shoulder and returns it to his pocket. "I think we all deserve to be happy. We just have to determine the form our happiness will take." His voice sounds far away, like its coming from someone else. "I'm not exactly the best person to give relationship advice."

"You are certainly right about that." The words are out before she can do anything about it, causing her eyes to open wide in fear of how he might react.

He laughs and nods his head in agreement. Abigail relaxes back into the bench but jumps up again at the thought that she might be intruding.

"I'm sorry if I bothered you. You're probably meeting someone or want to be alone." She starts to turn away in preparation for a departure.

"You're not a bother. A welcome distraction actually." He gives a reassuring smile but there is sadness hidden away behind it.

Abigail has always been intimidated by EJ Dimera. The guy reeks of power and mischief but right now, standing in the dim light, he looks real, like someone she could be friends with. Someone she could stand in a dark place with and not be afraid.

"Are you okay?" She is standing in front of him, looking up at eyes that are darkened by more than just their colour.

"Yes. I am." His gaze is steady when he says the words.

"Why don't I believe you?"

EJ smiles again but this time breaks the eye contact and she knows something is bothering him. But this is EJ and she really should just leave and go home. There must be someone he can talk to? Chad, she would tell Chad to check up on him.

"I want things to be easy too. But we don't always get what we want." His eyes slowly rise to meet hers.

"But should we keep fighting for something that's already difficult on its own? Fighting takes so much energy that we end up being too tired to love each other." In that statement she had her answer. Abigail knew what she had to do; she was just surprised that talking to EJ Dimera brought her clarity.

"You know us Dimeras, we just love to punish ourselves." He looks directly at her, then slowly his brows crease together and concern is evident. "Chad is different. He's a good kid. He carries the Dimera name but he's not tainted by it."

"What about you?" The question is almost a whisper.

"I'm the worst." He believed it and that made her want to cry. She could offer no reassurance, because the whole town of Salem knows who EJ Dimera is and what he is capable of.

"I should really go, before my mom starts to get worried." Turning around and walking away is harder than she expected but she has no business being there.

"Good night Abigail."

She pauses at the gate, long enough to offer a smile and return his goodbye. "Good night EJ."

* * *

It isn't complicated. There is no longer a challenge. Abigail woke up with a sense of clarity that she has not felt in weeks. Her murky waters are clear again and she could not wait to swim in it. But she would have to wait for one week. One week before her new life could really start.

She jumps out of bed feeling invigorated and excited about the new day. A song starts in her head as she selects a cute outfit and before she's aware she is belting the tune out as she goes through the morning routine. When it's all over and she is dressed and ready she makes her way outside to welcome the fall morning. She is craving a latte and heads out to Common Grounds for breakfast.

Sonny is there to greet her with a smile and immediately fills her order without her having to give it. She loves mornings with her cousin, they don't spend a lot of time together and when they do it's about catching up on their lives. Sonny is still single but obviously waiting for someone special and Abigail was trying to figure out if the person in her life is her someone special.

They sit together, talking and laughing while she enjoys her breakfast. It's easy and light and just what Abigail needs. Sonny always knows how to make her feel better. They brush over the topic of Chad, Sonny's business partner and friend, but do not linger there when Abigail changes the topic to her plans for after graduation. It isn't just her love life on a teeter-totter, so was her career, or at least the career she was hoping to have. Going to college was a no brainer but settling on a career path is proving a little more difficult. Three years of college under her belt yet she still wasn't sure if business administration was the area for her.

"I know you'll save the world Abby." Sonny states jokingly.

"Ha, ha. It's easy for you, Mr. Entrepreneur." She takes a slow sip of her latte. "You already have your own business."

"True." He smiles. "But there is still a lot that I want to do."

"Like finding a guy maybe?" Abby playfully nudges his shoulder. There is a shy look on his face and it causes her to learn closer to him. "Or have you already found someone?" The prospect of Sonny dating excites her and fills her with joy for her cousin.

"No." He shakes his head, deflating her joy. "No one yet." Something tells her that's not entirely true.

"Well when you do, he'll be a very lucky guy." He nods his consent as she wraps her arms around him.


End file.
